Newsletter and jokes 13 September 2019

Hi all 
Well exam season is behind us (I hope) as we head for the spring break. 
So unlike the last two weeks, we have more family-friendly fare, kicking 
off with the live-action version of the popular kiddie's animated series, 
Dora and the Lost City of Gold. Judging from the trailer, Dora can give 
Lara Croft a run for the money. 
That's joined by a remake of the popular Afrikaans novel (and setwork),  
Fiela se Kind, and another South African family drama, Losing Lerato. 
For the adults, we have the well-rated Hustlers, featuring Jennifer Lopez 
amongst other eye candy, while for the Hindi market we have a gender- 
bending rom-com. 
More local industry news is that South Africa has selected Jahmil X.T.  
Qubeka's “Knuckle City” as its submission for the international feature  
film category at the 2020 Oscars. The film won a best actor prize for star  
Bongile Mantsai at the Durban Film Festival. 
On the previews side, there are premieres next Thursday at selected venues 
for the upcoming Brad Pitt space drama Ad Astra, and most of Saturday at  
most places for Angry Birds 2. See the previews page and remember to book. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 13 September 2019 
* Dora and the Lost City of Gold (PG7-9 V) 
* Dora and the Lost City of Gold (4DX) (PG7-9 V) 
* Fiela se Kind (13 LVP) 
* Hustlers (18 LSNV) 
* Losing Lerato (13 LV) 
* Dream Girl (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpapers ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Q: I travel all over the world, but I always stay in my corner. What am I? 
A: A stamp. 
Q: What part of a fish weighs the most? 
A: The scales. 
Q: How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store. 
Q: Why wouldn’t they let the butterfly into the dance? 
A: Because it was a mothball. 
Q: What’s the difference between the government and the Mafia? 
A: One of them is organized. 
Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? 
A: Hailing taxis. 
Q: What’s the difference between a dry cleaner and a lawyer? 
A: The cleaner pays if he loses your suit. A lawyer can lose your suit and  
still take you to the cleaners. 
Q: How do you get down from an elephant? 
A: You don’t. You get down from a goose. 
Q: What’s an astronaut’s favorite key on the keyboard? 
A: The spacebar. 
Q: What did the lawyer say to his stubborn, argumentative clone? 
A: “Why can’t you be a reasonable facsimile?” 
Q: What do you call someone who has just printed 1000 puns off the Internet? 
A: Well e-quipped. 
Q: What’s the best way to describe a bachelor? 
A: A man who never Mrs. a woman. 
Q: Why do owls avoid kissing in the rain? 
A: Because it’s too wet to woo. 
Q: How could the farmer be sure his honey was organic? 
A: Because his bees had issued him with a swarm statement. 
Q: What do elephants get for lunch at London Zoo? 
A: Half an hour, the same as the penguins. 
Q: What happens if you play country music backwards? 
A: You sober up, your estranged wife comes home and your faithful dog comes 
back to life. 
Q: What did one plate say to the other plate? 
A: Lunch is on me. 
Q: What do you call an overweight alien? 
A: An extra-cholesterol. 
Q: Which Egyptian king used to loose his temper on the roads? 
A: Toot-In-Car-Man 
Q: A man is pushing his car along, and when he comes to a hotel he shouts,  
“I’m bankrupt!” Why? 
A: He’s playing Monopoly. 
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together; It was riveting. 
Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas? 
A: It’s Christmas, Eve! 
Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never went to school?  
That’s right... he was elf taught. 
This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend that all I wanted was an Xbox.  
That’s it. Beginning and end of list: Xbox.  
You know what she got me?  
A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together.  
Which was fine.  
Because I got her an Xbox. 
My daughter Aurore had just written a huge list of presents, and her mother 
was trying to explain that Father Christmas wouldn’t be able to bring them  
“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” shurgged Aurore, “You can buy the rest.” 

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