Newsletter and jokes 1 March 2024

Hi all 
Dune: Part Two hits the screens today. It's been described as a visual treat, 
and early reviews from press and public have been very good, so enjoy :-) 
For the kiddies, we have a sequel to the Jungle Bunch, The Jungle Bunch 2:  
World Tour. 
Bollywood has the mix-up romantic comedy, Laapataa Ladies. 
The Johannesburg Film Festival is still running at Sandton City and The Zone. 
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* The Jungle Bunch 2: World Tour (PG V) 
* Dune: Part Two (13 V) 
* Dune: Part Two (IMAX) (13 V) 
* Dune: Part Two (4DX) (13 V) 
* Laapataa Ladies (Probably 13)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Wallpaper (full HD)  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A German man wanted to buy a train ticket to visit his friend in Naples.  
He goes to the Italian ticket agent and buys the ticket, but explains that  
he wants to reserve a seat facing the direction that the train was going.  
The Italian ticket agent hands the German his ticket, and he boards the train.  
To his discomfort, he finds that his assigned seat is facing the opposite  
the direction of the train. After a long journey, he gets off in Naples and  
meets his friend, who asks him how the ride was. 
"It was awful," says the German man, "I was given a reverse seat, and now I  
feel absolutely nauseous." 
"I'm sorry to hear that," says the friend, "did you try explaining the  
situation and asking the person sitting across from you if they were willing  
to switch seats?" 
"I would have," said the German man, "but unfortunately the seat across  
from me was empty." 
I dated a cross eyed woman. 
I ended it when she started seeing someone on the side 
I went out with a girl who I suspected had a glass eye. 
I didn’t ask her if she did. It just came out in the conversation. 
I remember my youth so fondly.  
Spending a year in Amsterdam. Taking in the culture and eating my eggs with  
a creamy sauce.  
Those were the Hollandaise. 
I was curious what my parents did for fun before the internet... 
I asked my 23 siblings and they didn’t know either. 
My dad could frame and wire a house, fix a car and captain a fishing boat.  
On weekends he ruled a convent with an iron fist. 
He was jack of all trades and a master of nuns. 
What's the most ironic name a snitch can have? 
My girlfriend left me after I was diagnosed with alopecia. 
It’s hair loss. 
My biggest issue at work a lot of the time I feel like I’m not making progress. 
I’ve had days where in my entire 9 hour shift I’ve not completed a single  
level on candy crush. 
My new friends aren't talking to me... 
I'm wondering why I bothered moving to this monastery. 
A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out. 
The son returns a year later and tells his father that he has converted to  
Christianity. The father is upset and calls his friend who is also Jewish.  
“You won’t believe this, my son David moved out for a year and came back  
and told me he converted to Christianity.”  
His friend says, “you won’t believe son Benjamin moved away for a  
year and when he came back HE converted to Christianity too”! 
Both upset, they call their rabbi and explain what happened. The rabbi says,  
“you won’t believe this, my son Joshua moved away and when HE came back he  
told me he converted to Christianity too”!  
The rabbi suggests they call God and tell him. 
The rabbi tells God that all three men had sons who moved away and converted  
to Christianity and don’t know what to do.  
God says to them, “you won’t believe this..."" 
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. 
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who  
will be a good wife?" 
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when 
I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." 
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution,  
just find a girl who's just like your mother." 
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the  
perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" 
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl.  
She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." 
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" 
Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her." 
A man is leaving his bicycle right next to the entrance to the US Congress. 
Security show up and says:  
"You can't leave that here! Congressmen and Senators use this entrance" 
"Don't worry, I'm using a bike lock" 

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