Newsletter and jokes 21 July 2023


 
Hi all 
 
The most hyped openings of the year have finally arrived. We have to admire 
the marketing departments of both films, now we need to see how well they 
actually do. Early ratings (press and public) have been very good for both  
movies. 
 
If you would like to avoid the crowds, we also have the Japanese animated 
film, Resident Evil: Death Island, opening today.  
 
Remember to dress appropriately for Boppieheim :-) 
 
No previews this week. 
 
Enjoy. :-) 
 
New this week 
 
* Barbie (13 LVP) 
* Oppenheimer (16 LNSVDP) 
* Oppenheimer (IMAX) (16 LNSVDP) 
* Resident Evil: Death Island (16 LVHP) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup  
https://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)    
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. 
 
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow. 
 
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A man answered an ad that read "Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour".. 
 
When he arrived he was told he'd have to take a welding test. 
 
He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess. 
 
When the boss asked him why he did this he replied "One is $18/hr,  
the other is $24/hr". 
 
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Looking to hire someone to change the channel and volume on my tv. 
 
Must be able to work remote. 
 
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I just learned that Peruvian Owls always hunt in pairs.. 
 
It's because they are Inca hoots. 
 
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How do you call a country without nobility? 
 
A Baron wasteland. 
 
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I heard France is replacing its ageing, deteriorating navy vessels 
 
I guess French ships don’t always last forever 
 
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Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage ... 
 
... he didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married,  
and she didn't have to hear about the food his mom made. 
 
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A burglar broke into our house last night… 
 
I didn’t fight back...  
I just put the red laser dot on his forehead and the 3 cats did the rest. 
 
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In my twenties I lived on a houseboat and fell in love with the girl next  
door. It’s a shame it didn’t last though… 
 
We drifted apart. 
 
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My doctor said I was overweight and asked me if I'd ever even attempted a  
push-up. 
 
I said "Hey doc, I know I'm out of shape, but suggesting that I wear a bra  
is just insulting." 
 
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I own the world’s worst thesaurus. 
 
Not only is it terrible, it’s delicious. 
 
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My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turns out she just  
wanted to do laundry. 
 
So I folded. 
 
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A girl I dated made fun of me for being colourblind. 
 
That's a huge grey flag for me! 
 
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First the writers went on strike, now the actors ... 
 
who’s going to clear all the tables in Hollywood restaurants? 
 
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I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe,  
but not in Africa. 
 
Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water. 
 
They bless the rains down in Africa. 
 
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A Chinese man went to a psychiatrist in Beijing 
 
He says "I am under a lot of stress. I feel like I am being watched.  
I feel like there are cameras everywhere, my phone is bugged, someone is  
opening my mail, and I think I am even being followed by secret police" 
 
The psychiatrist says ". . . . And?" 
 
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I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature,  
I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I.. 
 
...also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces. 
 
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Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. 
 
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A group of crows is called a murder, but only if there's probable caws. 
 
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Many weekends are poorly made; they never last very long. 
 
 



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