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Newsletter and jokes: 24 June 2016

Hi all

Well it's holiday time and there's two big releases this week, and smaller
releases on the art circuit.

It has been 20 years since Independence Day, and now to celebrate the UK 
declaring Independence, we have the sequel. Also up, and very different, is
the cop-buddy comedy Central Intelligence.

On the business side of things, Finding Dory is doing exceptionally well, both
here and overseas, and is set to see of Independence Day in the US. Not sure
how things will play out here.

I actually went to see Finding Dory last week, and was underwhelmed. So my
opinion is out of synch with the majority of the press. Perhaps they saw 
something I missed, or maybe it works better in 3D than 2D, but compared to
what I saw the same day last year (Inside Out), it didn't compete. YMMV :-)

On the previews side, there are previews next week Wednesday and Thursday for 
Me Before You, see the previews page and remember to book. 
Also remember to take tissues :)

Lastly, the DIFF is coming to an end with the awards being given out this week,
and there is an "Afrikaans film evening" at Tygervalley on Thursday, where some
popular films from recent years will be re-screened.


Released 24 June 2016

Central Intelligence (13 LV)
Independence Day: Resurgence
The Keeping Room (16 V)
Independence Day: Resurgence (3D)
I Saw the Light (13 LS)
Independence Day: Resurgence (4DX)
Amma Kanakku (Tamil)
Independence Day: Resurgence (3D)(IMAX)

SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

Forthcoming attractions for 30 June.

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (for the gals)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


Special message from the Queen
As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton
has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and
subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi--in the
furthest regions of our empire.  And, sadly, also questions about my Royal

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve
you, the people.  For the next eight months I will be traveling among you
as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs.  I will be
with you in your Wal-Marts and beside you in your Burger Kings.  I will
drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your
poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were
impoverished.  After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly
had two mansions to rub together.  We were so poor that we removed
thousands of dollars of China, flatware, carpets and gifts from the
Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful
officials later forced us to return many of these treasures.  Now, happily,
benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to
scr*pe by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was
married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I
remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment,
that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to
something more fitting.  After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a
mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000
a year to run the 'Foundation'.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and
sharing with you.  Then, when the time for the royal election (Coronation)
comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with
my assurance that I will continue King Obama's policies, and we can all
live happily ever after.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,

Hilarity Rodham Clinton


Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent goes "Sean, I've
got you a job - starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for

Sean furrows his brow and says "Tennish? ...... I don't even have a


Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and
drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife
- she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits, sips his beer and says, "Better think it over ... women like
that are hard to find."


Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a
speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there
before she forgot where she was going?

Makes perfectly good sense to me ...


A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a
fortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went
inside and sat down.

"Ah ..." said the woman, as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are
the father of two children."

"That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of THREE

The woman grinned and said, "No - that's what YOU think."

Independence Day: ResurgenceCentral IntelligenceIndependence Day: Resurgence (3D)(IMAX)The Keeping Room
Independence Day: Resurgence (4DX)Independence Day: Resurgence (3D)I Saw the LightAmma Kanakku
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