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Newsletter and jokes: 13 May 2016

Hi all

I trust Friday the 13th has been kind to you.

Those angry birds hit the big screen today, in essence it's the back story
for the popular games, however it's strictly for the kids.

Also up is a new Afrikaans rom-com, as well as two further adult comedies,
one a rom-com and the other a war-com (if there is such a thing outside of

Lastly, there are multiple previews all over next Thursday evening/night
for the upcoming X-Men: Apocalypse, in 3D, 3D IMAX and 4DX ... see the 
Previews page and remember to book.


Released 13 May 2016

* Azhar (Hindi)
* The Angry Birds Movie (PG V)
* The Angry Birds Movie (3D) (PG V)
* Uitvlucht (PG10-12)
* The Perfect Match (16 LSD)
* Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (16 LV)

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

Forthcoming attractions for 20 May.

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (for the gals)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


I was having a drink the other night and overheard three very hefty women
talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked,
"Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from
And that's the last thing I remember.


KFC Hong Kong has announced that it's created edible nail polish. It will
come in two flavours, Original and Hot & Spicy. KFC says, "To use,
consumers simply apply and dry, like regular nail polish, and then lick,
again, and again, and again, and it ís finger lickin good."


An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:
Dear Dad  
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I
am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB
when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser  

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mailfrom his dad:
My dear loving son  
One Hundred million dollars have just been transferred to your account.
Please stop embarrassing us.
Go and get yourself a train too.
Love, Dad 

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the
villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers,
seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and
started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply
started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. He further
announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the
villagers, and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and the people started going back
to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each, and the supply of monkeys
became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone
catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However,
since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now
buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant said to the villagers:

“Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I
will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you
can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys

Now you have a further understanding of how the stock market works.


The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey
comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle
of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous
Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank
a little, then a little more and before they knew it,
she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before
you die."

She raised herself up in bed and said, "Don't sell that cow."
UitvluchtThe Perfect MatchAngry Birds (3D)
Whiskey Tango FoxtrotAzharAngry Birds
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