Newsletter and jokes 17 May 2024

Hi all 
Things suddenly got hectic late last week, workwise and driving around,  
when I came up for air it was already Saturday night so did not send mailer. 
The big release as we head for exam season, is the animated live-action  
blend, Imaginary Friends, which released as IF in the USA. The people have 
rated this higher than the critics, it is suitable for the little ones. 
The horror offering is the poorly-rated The Strangers: Chapter 1, directed 
by Renny Harlin but with a cast that I don't recognise. 
For nostalgia buffs, you can catch the re-release of Meet Joe Black, with 
Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins and Claire Forlani. Take your own peanut butter. 
Lastly, Bollywood has a biopic about a blind genius and businessman, in  
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga opens next week, and there are premieres at  
selected venues next Thursday. 
New this week 
* Imaginary Friends (PG 7-9) 
* Meet Joe Black (PG) 
* The Strangers: Chapter 1 (16 LVH) 
* Srikanth (probably PG or 13)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
"So what do you do for work?" 
"I work for the NSA." 
"Oh wow! Tell me something interesting!" 
"About me or about you?" 
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile, and I’m so angry about her lies. 
She is not “fun to be around". 
A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk in to a bar. 
The bartender looks at them and points to a sign, labeled:  
"NO JOKES SERVED HERE" and asks the gentlemen to leave.  
They reluctantly get up and leave before any discussion between them occurs. 
The next day, a horse walks in to this same bar. Once again, the bartender  
points to the sign: "NO JOKES SERVED HERE". With a long face, the horse gets  
up from his bar stool and leaves the building. 
The day after that, a chicken walks in to the bar. The bartender approaches  
the chicken as it sits down. He once again points to the sign and says,  
"I am sorry, but we don't allow jokes to be served here." 
"Fine!" says the chicken, clucking with disapproval.  
"But can you at least tell me where else can I get a drink around here?" 
The bartender replies, "yeah, there's another bar across the road." 
I plotted all of my past relationships on a graph. 
It has an “ex” axis and a “why” axis. 
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of  
making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I  
was camping.... 
... with a really angry bear somewhere close by. 
Two dinosaurs are chilling on the beach. 
Noah's ark sails by. As the animals on the ship wave, the dinosaurs turn to  
each other - "damn, was it today?" 
TIL that if a wild emu grows over 7 feet tall, other members of their flock  
will shun them. 
The poor birds are ostrichsized. 
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth  
class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.  
The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child.  
It went like this: 
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we  
decided to bring another child into this family. But think about that.  
Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you  
so much I decided to bring home another wife." 
One of the women spoke up immediately.  
"Does she cook?" 
Statistics show that 1 out of 4 Americans is suffering from some sort of  
mental illness. 
Think of your three best friends. If they’re all OK, then it’s you. 
Dating in the AI era 
In the age of AI, dating a model is not a brag anymore. 
Parachute instructor to beginner: 
"Pull the chute at 2000ft" 
"What if it doesn't work?" replies the learner. 
"Wait until you get to 1000ft and pull the emergency chute" 
"What if that doesn't work?" 
"Wait until you get to 10ft and pull the second emergency chute" 
"What if that one doesn't work either?" 
"Well, you can jump ten feet can't you?" 

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