Newsletter and jokes 3 May 2024


 
Hi all 
 
May the force be with you before you sink the mayo. 
 
A full line-up this week, starting off with the 25th anniversary release of 
Staur Wars: Episode 1.  
 
The big release this week is the hotly anticipated (and well rated by press 
and public alike) tennis-based love triangle, Challengers, featuring Zendaya.  
 
The local industry has two releasese, first up is the retro American Pie-style 
Just Now Jeffrey, and Snake, set on a Cape farm. 
 
Lastly, the poorly-rated sci-fi action thriller Breathe, with Jennifer Hudson 
and  Quvenzhané Wallis. 
 
New this week 
 
* Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (PG V) 
* Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (4DX) (PG V) 
* Just Now Jeffrey (16 LNSVPD) 
* Challengers (16 LNSP) 
* Snake (16 LNSVD) 
* Breathe (16 LV PPS) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Pick of the week: 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm  
 
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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Why do George W. Bush’s dance videos never go viral on TikTok? 
 
He couldn’t figure out the Al Gore Rhythm 
 
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Paddy decides to go on Mastermind. 
 
He tells all his friends, and they promise to watch when he's on.  
 
He arrives at the studio and is shown round so he can familiarise himself  
with everything. As he's doing so, he asks, "Can I have the black chair  
facing backwards?"  
 
The stage manager gives a start and says, "What on earth do you mean? You  
can't sit facing away from the question master!"  
 
Paddy pleads his case and says, "It would really help me be more comfortable."  
 
The stage manager sighs and says, "I'll see what I can do." 
 
The program begins and Paddy takes his seat, the chair facing away from the  
host as he requests.  
 
The question master says, "Welcome. Your name and your occupation please."  
 
Paddy looks over his shoulder, over the back of the chair and says.  
 
"I'm Paddy, I'm from Ireland, and I'm a taxi driver!" 
 
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A frog got his DNA tested.  
 
Turns out he's part Irish, part British and a tad Pole  
 
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A mounted police officer checks into the stables to start his shift, when  
he noticed all of the horses’ equipment was missing! The saddles, the fancy  
headgear, everything was gone. 
 
Detectives were called and rushed to the scene to solve the theft.  
 
The mounty asked “So, what do we think?” 
 
The detective hangs his head, “It’s gone cold quick. The chance of an arrest  
isn’t looking good.” 
 
The mounty became furious, “What do you mean? You haven’t even been here  
five minutes?” 
 
The detective shook his head, “Look around, there are no leads.” 
 
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What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze ? 
 
A shoe ! 
 
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Tinder is for Rookies 
 
Instead go to Facebook marketplace. 
 
Search for wedding dresses. 
 
This will bring up all the newly single women in your area. 
 
From there you can filter by size. 
 
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People ask me how I feel about being Native American. 
 
I have my reservations. 
 
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Mom, dad, this is my boyfriend Neo. 
 
I think he might be the one. 
 
Mom+Dad: Is this another one of your May tricks? 
 
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Passwords are like underwear. 
 
Don’t share them, hide them under your keyboard or hang them from your monitor.  
 
Above all, change them frequently. 
 
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The word ‘vintage’ means different things to different people.  
 
To me, at 71, vintage means early 20th century.  
 
To my 43-year-old daughter, it’s the 1950s.  
 
So, when my 13-year-old granddaughter wanted something vintage for a birthday 
present, I had to ask what she considered vintage. 
 
“Oh, you know,” she said, “back when they used to communicate using paper.” 
 
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What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? 
 
A seasoned veteran. 
 
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Recently, my five-year-old grandson asked his father,  
 
“If I ate myself, would I become twice as big, or would I completely disappear?” 
 
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Client to graphic artist:  
 
“We really like your illustration style, very artsy.  
But we don’t feel you can put a price on art. 
 
So, can you do it for free?” 
 
 
 



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