Newsletter and jokes 22 December 2023

Hi all 
The four-day Christmas weekend has arrived, and with it the return of  
Aquaman. Sadly it looks like he won't have much to celebrate at the box  
office ... reviews have not been stellar, and the Johnny Depp fan club have  
been taking out their hatred for Amber Heard via this movie, so the going  
has been tougher than Aquaman's beard. 
This week's kiddies movie, Migration, has fared much better with the  
critics and got decent ratings.  
For under-dog sports fans, we have the soccer-themed Next Goal Wins, about  
the record-setting American Samoa soccer team. 
India has two offerings, the comedic drama Dunki about illegal migration,  
in Hindi, featuring Bollywood favourite Shah Rukh Khan, and the gritty  
action thriller Salaar, in Telugu and Hindi. 
Music-wise, André Rieu, Beyoncé, and Taylor Swift are still performing  
tirelessly at selected venues.  
No previews this week. Take care on the roads ... saw some scary drivers 
this morning .... 
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* Migration PG V) 
* Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (3D) (13 LVP PPS) 
* Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (13 LVP PPS) 
* Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (3D IMAX) (13 LVP PPS) 
* Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (4DX) (13 LVP PPS) 
* Next Goal Wins (13 LD) 
* Dunki (16 LVDP) 
* Salaar 
* Salaar (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)   
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
"Tell your fortune! Only $40!" she offered, shuffling her tarot deck 
"No thanks," I said as I passed. 
"How about today special! $25!" 
"Nope!" I replied. 
"Okay, for you, one time only, $20 final offer" 
"Sorry," I told her, "but I don't negotiate with Tarot-ists." 
Jack Sparrow: How’s it going guys? 
Mr. Bean: Good. 
Mrs. Bean: I’m well. 
    -- Jack and The Beans talk. 
What organization did Pavlov found? 
The Salivation Army. 
Guy goes to Doctor and says "I can see everything in the future." 
Doctor asked "When did this all start?" 
Guy replies "Next Thursday." 
A group of married couples get together for a Christmas dinner. 
When the last couple arrives, the wife is immediately showing off her  
present from her husband. 
"Look at what my Harold bought me!", she exclaims as she holds up her hand  
with a diamond the size of a baseball on it. 
All the other wives gather around her oohing and ahhing over her new ring. 
One of the other husbands whispers to Harold, "I thought she wanted a new  
"She did", answers Harold. "But I don't know where to buy a fake Mercedes". 
Yesterday evening, a fisherman, while going through an alley, heard someone  
crying for help. 
Running for the sound, he saw a lady being mugged. Quickly, he jumped at the  
mugger and grabbed him, but the mugger managed to get away and escape. 
According to the fisherman's description to the police, the mugger was about  
three and a half meters tall, and weighed at least five hundred kilograms. 
A police officer was on patrol at night and saw two men fighting in the  
middle of the street. 
He flashed his police lights, hopped out the car and pulled the two men  
apart. He cuffed them both and sat them apart from each other on the sidewalk. 
“Explain what is going on here?” The policeman asked the first man. 
“Well,” the first man sighed, “It all started a few nights ago when I  
thought my girlfriend was cheating on me. I came round to her place to  
surprise her and found her watching a movie with two suspiciously empty  
pizza boxes next to her. She said she was just hungry, but who the hell  
orders two large pizzas to themselves?” 
“A valid point,” the policeman nodded, agreeing. 
“Anyway,” the first man continued, “I decided to stake out her house. So  
I’m waiting here out in the street, watching to see if anyone goes into  
that pink house on the other side of the road. I have my mate at the pizza  
shop deliver me a pizza while I wait. Everything’s quiet and I’m just about  
to start eating my pizza. Then I see that dickhead over there come creeping  
around the side of the house.” 
“That man over there?” The policeman asked. 
“Yes! So naturally I confronted him and he denied seeing my girl. Next thing  
you know we’re in the middle of a brawl and then you arrive.” 
The policeman thought for a moment, then undid the cuffs. 
“Here’s the deal, you give me your pizza and I’ll let you drive away with a  
The first man nodded grumpily, hopped in his car and drove off. 
The policeman placed the pizza in his car and then walked over to the second  
“That guy says you were cheating on his girlfriend,” the policeman stated. 
“How dare he insult my honour like that!” The second man roared. 
“So what were you doing?” The policeman asked. 
“Well... trying to rob the place.” The second man mumbled, “but I couldn’t  
get in!” 
“That’s hardly any better,” the policeman replied. 
“The windows were locked up tight, so I decided to give up. Next thing I  
know some guy is screaming at me, saying I’m having a thing with his girl.  
We ended up in a fight. Then you turn up.” 
“Empty your pockets,” the policeman said. 
The second man pulled out a pair of diamond earrings from another house he  
had robbed. 
“I’ll take those,” the policeman said, “But because I’m in a good mood,  
I’ll let you go.” 
The second man couldn’t believe his luck. He skipped away down the street. 
Suddenly, the lights at the front of the pink house turned on. A woman came  
marching out, 
“What the hell is going on out here?!” 
The policeman turned around, 
“Nothing babe, I’ve got you a pizza and some new earrings.” 
Friend: Where is your Dad from? 
Me: China 
Friend: And your Mum? 
Me: The Czech Republic 
Friend: So what are you and your siblings? 
Me: Chinese Czechers 
The Soviet Union had a terrible alcoholism problem. To combat it, Gorbachev  
restricted vodka production. Consequently, the lines to buy vodka were very  
One day, after waiting in line for hours, one man yelled "I can't take this  
anymore! I'm going to the Kremlin to kill Gorbachev!" 
He left, but was back soon after, looking dejected. Everyone asked "Well,  
did you kill him?" 
"Are you kidding?" said the man. "The line for that was longer than this one!" 

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