Newsletter and jokes 11 September 2020

Hi all 
Q: When is a consumer protest boycott not a consumer protest boycott? 
A: When it is a shake-down. 
Over in the UK, they're trending back towards lockdown again. Among the new 
restrictions, all social meetings are limited to at most 6 people.  
The 7 dwarfs have been advised, and one of them is not happy. 
This week sees Disney's live-action remake of Mulan finally hit the big  
screens. It's been a rocky road for Disney to get this on screen, and it 
looks like the wait has been worthwhile. 
The other widish release sees Russel Crowe take a turn to the dark side in 
Unhinged, which looks at the very real modern issue of road rage. 
Then on limited release, we have the offbeat comedy-drama The king of  
Staten Island. 
It looks like we may be heading for Level 1 lockdown, but I'm not sure what 
the impact on cinemas is likely to be ... some restrictions will likely  
remain. We should know in the next few days. 
Cheers, Ian 
New this week 
* Mulan (PG10-12 VP) 
* Mulan (3D) (PG10-12 VP) 
* Unhinged (16 LV) 
* The King of Staten Island (16 LSVD)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Thanks, Ian 
After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune 
cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.”  
His read, “Talk while you have a chance.” 
At dinner, my six-year-old niece told her father,  
“Dad, when I grow up, I’m gonna marry you.”  
I laughed until her mom said to her, “Don’t make the same mistake I did.” 
I asked a scruffy-looking soldier if he’d shaved. He answered,  
“Yes, Top Sergeant.”  
I got into his face and said,  
“OK, tomorrow I want you to stand closer to your razor.” 
A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting  
software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind  
“Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked.  
“Of course,” he responded. “It’s where we park the helicopters.” 
My five-year-old brother’s eyes grew large as our father opened the top  
drawer of his dresser. Seeing John’s reaction, Dad took out his Purple  
Heart and explained how he’d earned it during the Korean War.  
John was so impressed, the only thing he managed to say was,  
“Dad, are all those socks really yours?” 
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II.  
Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him.  
After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked,  
“Did you ever kill anyone?”  
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said,  
“Probably. I was the cook.” 
After confirming her pregnancy, my friend told her 4-year-old daughter  
about the new addition that would be coming, but she made it clear it would  
be quite a long time yet.  
Her husband came home and they had dinner and discussed the good news.  
Finally it was time for bed and her daughter, very distressed, said to her  
mother, “I know you said it would be a long time until we got our baby,  
but this is ridiculous.” 
Our two-year-old, Tess, was sitting quietly in church one Sunday when she  
became mesmerized by a balding man seated in front.  
Her curiosity got the better of her, and she shouted for all to hear,  
“Why is that man’s head coming out of his hair?” 
During evening prayers, my five-year-old kept his uncle in his thoughts:  
“Please help Uncle Steve find a job that he’s good at, like owning a cat.” 

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