Newsletter and jokes 6 July 2018

Hi all 
Well the superheroes are back this week. Ant-Man and The Wasp are, however, 
lighter fare than the normal high-action-high-violence typical of the  
genre, and thus aimed at a younger audience. 
Also up for the kiddies is the animated film Show Dogs, which attracted  
controversy over the genital examination scene, which has since been toned 
done but may still cause issues for some people. 
Lastly for the adults and art circuit, we have the well-rated American 
Animals, about an offbeat heist that doesn't go too well. That makes three 
heist movies in three weeks... I guess it's only a matter of time before 
we have a locally-made cash-in-transit heist film....  
No previews this week. Next week the Rock is back in another tall tale. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 6 July 2018 
* Ant Man and The Wasp (PG7-9 LV) 
* Ant Man and The Wasp (3D) (PG7-9 LV) 
* Ant Man and The Wasp (3D IMAX) (PG7-9 LV) 
* Ant Man and The Wasp (4DX) (PG7-9 LV) 
* American Animals (16 LVD CT) 
* Show Dogs (PG7-9 LV IAT)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Dennis was down at the local police station wanting to talk to the burglar 
who'd broken in his house the night before. 
The desk sergeant was adamant. "No. You'll get your chance in court, sir." 
"No, no, you don't understand," Dennis said. "I want to know how the hell 
he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that 
for years!" 
"We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial 
flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons." 
~ Alfred E. Neuman 
"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects." 
~ Will Rogers 
One day I was reading a newspaper. On page two was a picture of a famous 
politician and his gorgeous wife. 
Slightly jealous of the politician, I turned to my wife and said, "It's 
unfair that the biggest jerks in the world catch the most beautiful 
My wife smiled and replied, "Why, thank you dear." 
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. 
The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." 
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. 
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. 
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, 
can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" 
"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's 
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round 
this way?" 
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm 
a plasterer." 
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, 
but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and 
proceeds to read it. 
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the 
barman good day and leaves. 
The same thing happens for two weeks.. 
Then one day the circus comes to town. 
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him 
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be 
just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, 
reads the newspaper and everything!" 
"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. 
"Get him to give me a call." 
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. 
Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money." 
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?" 
"At the circus," says the barman. 
"The circus?" repeats the duck. 
"That's right," replies the barman. 
"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?" 
"Yeah," the barman replies. 
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in 
caravans?" says the duck. 
"Of course," the barman replies. 
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the 
middle?" persists the duck. 
"That's right!" says the barman. 
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .. 
"What would they want with a plasterer??!" 
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to 
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television 
set in her purse. 
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. 
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, 
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." 
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. 
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and 
neither of them wanted to concede their position. 
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, 
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" 
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws. 

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