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Newsletter and jokes: 24 March 2017

Hi all

There's four big releases this week, covering a wide target market, with
the emphasis on horror for some reason. First up is CHIPS, based on the 
TV show but NOT family fare. Then we have the two horrors, one set in
space and one in a mansion. For the kiddies we have another reboot of the
Power Rangers, and local Afrikaans comedy Kampterrein for families.
Lastly we have a Bollywood, and an art-house release. Speaking of which,
there are also a few screenings of Dvorak's Rusalka opera at the Nouveaus.

No previews this week.

In other news, Disney's live-action Beauty and the Beast rewrote the record
books stateside last weekend. This summary lifted from BoxOfficeMojo:


Disney's live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast has delivered a film 
the size of a summer blockbuster in the month of March, debuting with not 
only a record-setting March opening weekend, but the seventh largest 
domestic opening of all-time as Disney now owns six of the top seven 
opening weekends of all-time. Thanks in large part to Beauty and the 
Beast's opening, but also to the continued strong performances from Logan, 
Get Out and a decent hold from Kong: Skull Island, this weekend's top 
twelve grossed a combined $249.5 million, the largest combined top twelve 
since December 2015 when Star Wars: The Force Awakens hit theaters.

With an estimated $170 million, Beauty and the Beast topped the previous 
March opening weekend record of $166 million set by Batman v Superman: Dawn
of Justice just last year. It's also the seventh largest opening weekend 
ever, ahead of the $169.1 million opening for Harry Potter and the Deathly 
Hallows - Part 2 and just behind Iron Man 3's $174.1 million opening from 
May of 2013. It's also the largest opening for a PG-rated film, topping 
Finding Dory's previous record of $135 million, as well as the largest 
Spring opening weekend, fourth largest Saturday gross of all-time, sixth 
largest Sunday gross and eighth largest theater average for a wide opening 


Beauty and the Beast opens here on 13 April (Easter).

Enjoy :-)

Released 24 March 2017

* Life (16 LVH)
* Life (IMAX) (16 LVH)
* Power Rangers (PG7-9 LV)
* Power Rangers (4DX) (PG7-9 LV)
* CHIPS (16 NLV)
* The Sense of an Ending (13 LS)
* Get Out (16 LVH)
* Kampterrein: Die Movie (PG 7-9)
* Phillauri (Hindi)

SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

Forthcoming attractions for 31 March

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


A husband takes his wife to her high school reunion.

After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are
sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. The band cranks up
and people are beginning to dance.

There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon
walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy?  25 years ago he
proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"


An oldie...

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.

"Saul, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me
that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a
minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant
businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad
news. What is it?"

 The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."

Paddy and Mick were driving down the road drinking a couple of beers.

The passenger, Mick, suddenly said, 'Lord tundering.... up ahead -- it's a
police roadblock!!

We're gonna get busted for drinkin' dese here beers!!'

'Don't worry,' Paddy said. 'We'll just pull over and finish dese beers,
then peel off the label, stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles
under the seat.'

'What fer?'

'Jist let me do de talkin', OK?'

So they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight and put a
label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock,

the Royal Irish Constabulary officer took a long look at the two of them
and said,

'You boys been drinkin'?'

'No at all,' said Paddy, pointing at the labels. 'We're on the patches.'


Power Rangers (4DX)LifePhillauriSense of an EndingCHIPS
KampterreinLife (IMAX)Get OutPower Rangers
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