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Newsletter and jokes: 20 May 2016

Hi all

The big release (in all formats) this week is X-Men: Apocalypse, with some
smaller releases aimed at niche markets.

Over in the US, they're expecting Captain America: Civil War to be the first
film of the year to hit 1B$ globally, and Zootopia/Zootropolis might
follow it in a few weeks ... it's still on the US top ten after 11 weeks,
which is something unusual these days. It has however fallen off both the
SA and UK top ten lists.

Lastly, there are previews next Thursday for Alice Through the Looking Glass
at selected NuMetro venues, and a handful for upcoming local romcom Mrs 
Right Guy at selected Ster-Kinekor venues next Wednesday... see the Previews
page and remember to book.


Released 20 May 2016

* X-Men: Apocalypse (13 V)
* X-Men: Apocalypse (3D) (13 V)
* X-Men: Apocalypse (3D)(IMAX) (13 V)
* X-Men: Apocalypse (4DX) (13 V)
* Before I Wake (13 H)
* Sing Street (13 LD)
* The Man Who Knew Infinity (10)
* Sarbjit (Hindi)

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

Forthcoming attractions for 27 May.

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (for the guys)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian



A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled
the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive
us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this
note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket
I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets."

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the
congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for
repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the
regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last
The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to
think of something to play after I make the announcement about the
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we
are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected
and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please
stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played the National Anthem.
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!



Two blondes are filling up at a petrol station and the first blonde says to
the second, "I bet these awful fuel prices are going to go even higher."
The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just R100

One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing
"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a
big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of
trousers for that suit."
"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I
used them to patch the hole."

A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A
neighbour suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked
great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second
horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other
horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again.
The neighbour then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which
worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.
Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.
The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When
she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was
2 inches taller than the black one.


X-Men: Apocalypse (3D)The Man Who Knew InfinityX-Men: Apocalypse (4DX)Before I WakeSarbjit
Sing StreetX-Men: ApocalypseX-Men: Apocalypse (3D)(IMAX)
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