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Newsletter and jokes: 27 November 2015

Hi all

Bond is back again, in possibly the last outing for Daniel Craig. The rest
of the lineup is a bit of a mixed bag of small releases, none particularly
inspiring apart from the arthouse release. 

On the previews side there are previews all over next Thursday for Creed, 
the latest installment of the Rocky saga, with Rocky now a coach. Reviews
overseas have been good.

There are also some previews at one venue for The Peanuts Movie. See the 
Previews page and remember to book.


27 November 2015
* Tamasha (Hindi) 	
* Rock the Kasbah (13 L)
* Spectre (13 V) 	
* Spectre (IMAX) (13 V) 	
* Before We Go (PG10-12 L)
* Return to Sender (16 L SV)
* Testament of Youth (PG10-12)

Forthcoming attractions for 4 December 2015

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)

Added US and UK Top Tens

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

Forthcoming attractions for 27 November.

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (nice wallpaper)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint in Harwich,

Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them:

"I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro.
Quattro means four..

One of you will have to get out and stay behind."

"Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly.

"Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."

"You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you're talking to here,"
she replies with a smile.

"Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore
breaking the law.

So I can't let you onto the ferry. It's more than my job's worth to let you
all on."

The driver is now very cross and replies angrily,

"I've had enough of you. Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to
someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Tracey, "but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the
Fiat Uno."

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the airport leaned over to
ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For
a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver
"Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my
fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse
for 25 years."


Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the
villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers seeing
that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started
catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the
villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy
at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching
monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to
their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys
became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone
catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he
had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his

In the man's absence, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these
monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to
you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to
him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.


The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded to know
where her Sunday edition was.

Ma'am, said the employee, today is Sat*rday. The Sunday paper is not
delivered until Sunday.

There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of

"I'll bet that's why no one was in church today too."


'I am your Doctor. Sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem.

Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right.

The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in


Rock the KasbahBefore We GoTamashaTestament of YouthSpectreSpectre (IMAX)
Return to Sender
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