Hi all My goodness, where do I begin... there's a huge lineup this week, and I mean at the movies, not the rugby. Maya the Bee Movie is opening in English 2D and 3D, as well as Afrikaans and Zulu. There's a new Afrikaans rom-com, as well as action on Everest. Also opening is The Perfect Guy, which trounced M. Night Shyamalan's The Visit at the US Box office last week, despite having poor ratings. On the previews side, there are previews all over on Sunday for the next installment in the Maze Runner series, as well as two South African films showing for one week only at single venues, to qualify them for next year's Oscars. Curiously they are both by the same director, although very different (Ayanda and Dis Ek, Anna). See the previews page and remember to book. Note that this week is a short week, the new movies open next Thursday on National Braai Day. M O V I E S 18 September 2015 * The Perfect Guy (16 SV) * Die Pro (PG10-12) * Coming Home (PG7-9) * Everest (PG7-9) * Everest (3D) (PG7-9) * Everest (3D)(IMAX)(PG7-9) * Max (PG10-12 V) * Katti Batti (Hindi) * Maya the Bee Movie (A) * Maya the Bee Movie (3D) (A) * Maya die By Movie (A) * uMaya Inyosi iMovie (A) * We Are Your Friends (16 LD) http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit) http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Added US and UK Top Tens http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia) http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Forthcoming attractions for 24 September http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the pic and quote on the home page http://www.moviesite.co.za/ This Week's pinup http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the gals) Pick of the Week http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm List of all movies showing http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Cheers, Ian ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Siamese twins walk into a pub in Ontario and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please'. The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, lads?' 'Off to England next month,' says John. 'We go to England every year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim'? Jim agrees. 'Ah, England!' says the bartender. 'Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture...' 'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says John. 'Hamburgers & Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude.' 'So why keep going to England ?' asks the bartender. 'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just wrote a book called 'Diseases in Cuttlefish', which is about six quid. I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over. Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. His mate replies, 'You're lucky ... Mine is still alive.' A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; Buzz off, you won't bring it back.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and then begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100.00 bills. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a branch and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods and it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, 'Hey, I can understand the first wish having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but wanting to be hung like a black man is beyond me.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Irishmen were walking home from the pub. One says to the other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all that way'. 'I know, but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.' 'We could steal a bus from the depot!' They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus, while the other keeps a look-out. After shuffling around for ages, the look-out shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?' 'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 an we'll walk from the roundabout'!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A four-year old is learning to read. He pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, 'Look Grandpa! It's a frickin' elephant!' Grandpa took a deep breath, then asked...'What did you call it?' 'It's a frickin' Elephant, Grandpa! It says so on the picture!' ..... and so it does... (Scroll down) 'A f r i c a n Elephant'