It’s a colourful week this week with the emphasis on blue. Superman is
lighting up the sky while Iron Man is hanging on in the Top Ten list.
The kiddies are also spoilt for choice with Monsters University, Epic, and
of course all those previews for Despicable Me 2 on Wednesday and Thursday
to coincide with its Stateside opening. Enjoy.
M O V I E S
Released 28 June
* Ghanchakkar (Bollywood)
* Man of Steel (PG10-12 V)
* Man of Steel (3D) ((PG10-12 V))
* Song for Marion (PG7-9)
* White House Down (PG10-12 V)
* Raam — The King in Blue (A) (Bollywood)
SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
Added US Top Ten.
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Movies@, and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)
Forthcoming attractions for 5 and 12 July June
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
This Week’s pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the gals)
Pick of the Week
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
List of all movies showing
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
DVDs and BluRays:
New releases will be up later at
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads…
Some education … worth a rerun
Most of our generation were HOME SCHOOLED…at least in some ways.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My father taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..”
14.. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have
wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !”
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is
unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in
front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the merry-go-round.
Looks like we’re rerunning oldies this week…
Two cheerleading teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend cheerleading competition in
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team
rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time,
when one of them realized they hadnt heard anything from the blondes
One of the brunettes decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette
reached the top deck, she found all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring
straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with
The brunette asked, “What the heck’s going on up here? We’re having a
great time downstairs!”
One of the Blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and whispers -
“Yeah, but you’ve got a driver”
A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde
on his arm. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims.
So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an
absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the
furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, “Ah, sir, that
particular fur goes for $65,000.”
“No problem! I’ll write you a cheque!”
“Very good, sir.” says the shop owner.
“Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the
cheque has cleared.”
So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store
owner is outraged: “How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn’t a
single penny in your cheque account!!”
“I just had to come by,” grinned the guy, “to thank you for the most
wonderful weekend of my life”.
Brian, the world’s leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they
make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the
record shop, a sign catches his eye. “Just Released – New LP – Wasps of the
World and the sounds that they make – available now”. Unable to resist the
temptation, Brian goes into the shop. “I am the world’s leading expert on
European wasps and the sounds that they make. I’d very much like to listen
to the new LP you have advertised in the window.”
“Certainly, Sir,” says the young man behind the counter. “If you’d like to
step into the booth and put on the headphones, I’ll put the LP on for you.”
Brian, the world’s leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth
and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and
announces, “I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and the sounds
that they make and yet I recognised none of those.”
“I’m sorry Sir”, says the young assistant. “If you’d care to step into the
booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes.”
Brian, the world’s leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make,
steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he
comes out of the booth shaking his head. “I don’t understand it”, he says,
“I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they
make, and yet I still can’t recognise any of those!”
“I really am terribly sorry”, says the young assistant… “I’ve just realised
I was playing you the bee side!”
My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I
Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it,
so they gave me the axe.
After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it -
mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then, I tried to be a Chef – figured it would add a little spice to my
life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.
I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut
the mustard. ! ; My best job was being a Musician, but eventually I
found I wasn’t noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn’t have any
Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn’t fit in.
I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live
on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but
the work was just too draining.
So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn’t fit for
After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a
Historian – until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working in Starbucks! But I had to quit because it was
always the same old grind.
SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND I’M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa’s greatest movie site.
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