The Moviesite Updates, 1 February 2013

Written by admin on 1 February 2013 – 15:22 -

Hi all

More Oscar goodness this week, including the top contender… Enjoy!
Also a new Afrikaans rom-com :-)


Released 2 February 2013

* Lincoln (PG PV)
* Klein Karoo (PG)
* The Inbetweeners (16 DLNS)
* Anna Karenina (13 SV)
* Chasing Mavericks (PG)

SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)

Added US Top Ten.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Movies@, and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)

Forthcoming attractions for 8 and 15 February

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week’s pinup (for the gals)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

DVDs and BluRays:

New releases will be up later at

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads… :-)

Cheers, Ian


I don’t usually post this sort of thing, but given the terrible road death
toll, perhaps it is necessary….

This is the new “wear your seatbelt” ad the UK is doing – started by some
dude not hired to do it, but because the cause is important to him, he came
up with this idea, and now it’s being hailed across the world as a
“beautiful” commercial.

This video has become so popular with the general public that people are
forwarding it to friends/family on their own, so quickly that it has spread
all over the world in a very short time.

Check out this remarkable ad:


Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
“Windows frozen.”

Husband texts back:
“Pour some lukewarm water over it.”

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
“Computer really screwed up now.”


This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to

The less they know about our rituals and top secret code words, the better
off they are.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that
of the congregation’s range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly,
since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with
good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original ‘Jaws’ story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize
besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an
HMO. (The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of
altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass consisting
of altar servers, the celebrant and led by parishioners trying to beat the
crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know
when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity
of a pew.


The Government of Queensland found about 200 dead crows near Ipswich last
autumn, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

They hired a Bird Pathologist to examine the remains of all the crows, and
the test results showed it was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone’s

However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with
trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact. The government then hired an
Ornithological Behaviourist (Dale Caswell) to determine why there was a
disproportionate percentage for truck versus car kill.

The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order. He
concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow
in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His study results and conclusion was that the lookout crow could warn the
other crows by saying “Cah”, but the crow could not say “Truck.”


A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind if I sit beside

The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and
said: “I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you
felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT’S TOO

All the people in the library looked at the girl who was now in shock.
The guy whispered in her ear: “I study law, and I know how to screw


Some more fallout from the Tesco’s Horse Meat Burgers scandal….

If you think Tesco’s horse burgers are bad, you should try
Asda’s quarter pandas.

I bet Tesco’s are hating being saddled with all this

I regret those Tesco burgers now. They’ve given me the trots.

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says ‘why the long face?’
Cow says ‘Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!

Tesco Quarter Pounders: The affordable way to buy your daughter the pony
that she’s always wanted.

Was in Tesco cafe earlier and the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my
burger, so I had a fiver each way

Just heard that have found horse meat in Tesco burgers.
What are the odds on that?

Just checked my Tesco burgers in the fridge, and they’re off..

I selected some burgers on the Tesco website, I then clicked on “add to

Can’t help thinking that Tesco’s latest burger product recalls are a case
of closing the stable door after the horse has been bolted

I’ve found it tough lately working on the Tesco meat counter, I feel like
I’m flogging a dead horse.

Love the Tesco burger gags. Just had one myself, enjoyed it – but still got
a bit between my teeth

I think I had Tesco burger last night by mistake. Never again, had terrible
night mares.


Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow

“Ooh!” said the presenter, “This is a very rare set, produced by the
celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn
of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were
in good condition?”

“Yes” says Paddy; “Sticks”.


On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi and a lawyer stop at a farmhouse and
ask to stay the night.

There is a space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn.

“I’ll go” the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the
rabbi hear a knock.

“There is a cow in the barn,” the Hindu says. “A cow is sacred, and I can’t
sleep with a sacred beast.”

“No problem, I can do it,” the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes
later, the rabbi knocks.

“There is a pig in the barn. It’s an unclean animal — my belief forbids me
to be near such a creature.”

With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there is a
third knock at the door.

The cow and the pig are at the door.

P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at
South Africa’s greatest movie site.

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