The Moviesite Updates, 25 January 2013

Written by admin on 25 January 2013 – 15:55 -

Hi all

A very strong lineup this week, laden with Oscar contenders which also
happen to be crowd-pleasers … so enjoy :-)


Released 25 January 2013

* Argo (13 LV)
* Race 2 (Bollywood)
* Flight (16 LND)
* Lawless (16 LNVD)
* Wreck-it Ralph (PG V)
* Wreck-it Ralph (3D) (PG V)

SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)

Added US Top Ten.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Movies@, and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)

Forthcoming attractions for 1 February

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week’s pinup (for the gals)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

DVDs and BluRays:

New releases will be up later at

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads… :-)

Cheers, Ian



I think we can all relate to this one.

My wife hosted a dinner party for family far and wide and everyone was
encouraged to bring all their children as well.

All during dinner my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across from
her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.

I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in
place but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just
ignore her but finally it was too much for me.

I finally asked her “Why are you staring at me?”

Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet
for her response.

My little niece said “I’m just waiting to see how you drink like a fish.”


I Recently Spent $2500 On A Young Black Angus Bull. I Put Him Out With The
Herd But He Just Ate Grass And Wouldn’t Even Look At A Cow. I Was Beginning
To Suspect He Was Gay, If That’s Possible With A Bull. Anyhow, I Had The
Come Have A Look At Him. He Said The Bull Was Very Healthy, But Possible A
Little Young, So He Gave Me Some Pills To Feed Him Once Per Day.

Holy Cr*p. The Bull Started To Service The Cows Within Two Days. All Of My
Cows! He Even Broke Through The Fence And Bred All My Neighbor’s Cows! He’s
Been Breeding Just About Everything In Sight. He’s Like A Machine!”

I Don’t Know What The Heck Was In The Pills The Vet Gave Him, But They
Taste Kinda Like Peppermint.


According to news reports, the Brits supermarket chain has been selling
burgers with horse meat in them. From the BBC: “Horsemeat accounted for
approximately 29% of the meat content in one sample from Tesco.”.

Which of course provided fodder for the jokesters….

And they’re off…:

99% of people in the UK say they haven’t been affected by eating horse
meat. That’s according to a gallop poll

29% of the meat content in Tesco’s hamburgers turns out to be horse?! No
wonder they gave me the trots!

Are you in favour of Horsemeat in your burgers? Yay or Neigh?

I expect this only relates to those mini-burgers you have as snacks. You
know, the horse d’oeuvres.

Those Aldi horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony

Shocking news. Tesco own brand value hamburgers have been found to have
traces of real MEAT in them.

Turns out the horses were s*xually assaulted before being turned into
burgers police say their main suspect is Jimmy Saddle

So a man goes to his fridge to cook his beef burgers aaaaandd there’re

Breaking news Tesco to launch a new line of burgers for kids called “My
Little Pony”

Horseburgers….Essential to maintaining a stable diet.

Camel toes have been found in Tesco leggings’

What do you put on a burger? A fiver each way!


Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of
you have forgiven your enemies?”

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except
one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when
the weather was bad.

“Mr. Barnes, it’s obviously not a good morning for golf. It’s good to see
you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any,” he replied gruffly.

“Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight,” he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their

“Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a
person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?”

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit,
turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply –

“I outlived the blighters.”


A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt
… Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.


A bus driver was driving a bunch of seniors down a highway, when he is
tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a hand full of
peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After approx. 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands
him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.

At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the
peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because
of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

“Why do you buy them then?” he asks puzzled.

Whereupon the old lady answers, ‘We just love the chocolate around them’.

P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at
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