The Moviesite Updates, 18 January 2012

Written by admin on 18 January 2013 – 11:45 -

Hi all

Three more venues closed this week… so sad.

On the positive side, now that the Oscar noms have been annouced, this
week sees two of the hopefuls gracing our screens. Enjoy.


Released 18 January 2013

* Mumbai Mirror (Bollywood)
* Les Misérables (13 V)
* Django Unchained (16 LVP)
* Playing for Keeps (PG)

SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)

Added US Top Ten.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Movies@, and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)

Forthcoming attractions for 25 January and 1 February

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week’s pinup (for the gals)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

DVDs and BluRays:

New releases will be up later at

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads… :-)

Cheers, Ian


Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the
meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t
know the meaning of a lot of words.”


Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an
upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After along period of silence she finally speaks.

“Honey, I’ve been thinking, now that we are married I think it’s time you
quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing.

Maybe you should sell your guns, boat & airplane.”

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

Tim says, “For a minute there you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

“Ex wife!” she screams, “I didn’t know you were married before!”

”I wasn’t “


Ole, the smoothest-talking Swede in the Minnesota National Guard, got
called up to active duty.

Ole’s first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was
a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about
government benefits, especially the GI life insurance, to which they were

The officer in charge soon noticed that Ole was getting a 99% sign-up rate
for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was
remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30 per month for the
higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at
no charge.

The officer decided he’d sit in the back of the room at the next briefing
and observe Ole’s sales pitch.

Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, “If yoo haf da
normal GI insurans an’ yoo go to Afghanistan an’ get yourself killed, da
governmen’ pays yer beneficiary $20,000. If yoo take out da supplemental
insurans, vich cost yoo only t’irty dollars a mont, den da governmen’ got
to pay yer beneficiary $200,000!”

“Now,” Ole concluded, “Vich bunch yoo tink dey gonna sen’ to Afghanistan


O x y m o r o n s :

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?

8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?

10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?

12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?

13.. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?

14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?

15. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you
know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

25.. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?


Lady: Do you drink?
Man: Yes

Lady: How much a day?
Man: 3 6 packs

Lady: How much per 6 pack
Man: about $10.00

Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 15 years

Lady: So 1 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your
spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: Correct

Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past
15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct

Lady: Do you know that if you hadn’t drank, that money could have been put
in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a

Man : Do you drink?
Lady: No
Man: Where’s your Ferrari then?


Two guys were walking their dogs. One had a German Shepherd, and the other had
a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink.

The other man says “They’re not going to let dogs into the bar.”

And the first guy says “No? Watch this!”

So he puts on some dark glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye
dog, walks into the bar and orders a drink. And no one says anything. So
the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his
Chihuahua into the bar.

The bartender says, “Sorry – we don’t allow dogs in here.”

And the man says, “It’s okay – it’s my seeing-eye dog.”

The bartender laughs and says, “This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?”

And the guy says, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”


A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell painted a sign advertising the
four pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he
was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls and
looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

“Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”

“Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck,
“These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket,
he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. “I’ve got
thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”

“Sure,” said the farmer, and with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!”
he called out from the doghouse, and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by
four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes
danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something
else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly, another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the
ramp it slid. Then, in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began
hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up …

“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, “Son, you don’t want that
puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began
rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace
running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well
myself, and he will need someone who understands.”

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.
Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

“How much?” asked the little boy.

“No charge,” answered the farmer, “There’s no charge for love.”

P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at
South Africa’s greatest movie site.

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