The Moviesite Updates, 16 November 2012

Written by admin on 16 November 2012 – 11:30 -

Hi all

Bella and The Boys (and baby) are back for more blood… enjoy :-)

The rest of the lineup, as is normal for this time of the year, is not
very inspiring, but there are still better older releases for your
viewing pleasure.


Released 16 November 2012

* The Cold Light of Day (13 V)
* Sammy 2 (PG)
* Sammy 2 (3D) (PG)
* Peace, Love & Misunderstanding (16 D)
* The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (13M V)

SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)

Added US and UK Top Ten.

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Woodlands, and SK and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)

Forthcoming attractions for 23 and 30 November

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week’s pinup (for the guys)

Pick of the Week

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating

DVDs and BluRays:

New releases will be up later at

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads… :-)

Cheers, Ian


A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and
shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest
came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied,
“This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it’s called turpentine.”

The Priest said, “No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water.
If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women’s belly,
she’ll pass a healthy baby.”

The little boy replied, “You take some of this here turpentine and rub it
on a cat’s backside and he’ll pass a Harley Davidson.”


Some guys view marriage as a matter of wife and debt.

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!

Cross a chess piece with a slab of pork and you get a pawn chop.

A guy applies at the Government for disability status. They ask what his
disability is. “I’m having trouble with my eyes,” the man says. “I can’t see
myself going to work.”


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the bushes?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mailbox?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs with a shovel in his

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs without a shovel in his

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

What do you call his arms and legs hanging on the opposite wall?
Pieces of Art.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no tail, no tongue, no
nose, and no ears.
Still no idea.


Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are uttered,
vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with language spoken
during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of courtroom reporters
whose job it is to take down and preserve every statement made during the

Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Q. Are you married?
A. No, I’m divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn’t know about.

Q. And who is this person you are speaking of?
A. My ex-widow said it.

Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney,
and said he was really good.

Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How many times have you comitted suicide?
A. Four times.

Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.

Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Q. Did he kill you?
A. Ah … no …

Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.

Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able,
for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone
also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the
MR. BROOKS: Objection.That question should be taken out and shot.

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A: He didn’t offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.

Q: So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you
observe with respect to your scalp?
A: I didn’t see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
Q: It was covered?
A: Yes, bandaged.
Q: Then, later on.. what did you see?
A: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on
top of my head.

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.

Q: Do you drink when you’re on duty?
A: I don’t drink when I’m on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.

Q: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial
instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived?

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.


On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
“We’re #1 in the #2 business.”

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

At a Proctologist’s door
“To expedite your visit please back in.”

On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

On a Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

Pizza Shop Slogan:
“7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

At a Tyre Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”

In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at
South Africa’s greatest movie site.

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