The Moviesite Updates, 1 August 2008
Written by admin on 1 August 2008 – 10:00 -hi
Apologies if you had trouble accessing the site recently… there’s some
issue with Telkom ADSL and the connection to our server locale. It was
broken from last Friday to Tuesday, was okay Wednesday, died Wednesday
night, okay Thursday, died Thursday night, and seems okay now…
A rather odd lineup this week, ranging from the X-Files mystery to a
raunchy Adam Sandler comedy, with two Bollywood movies and an arthouse
release on the side.
There’s also assorted film festivals running around the country, check the
schedules pages.
As usual, feel free to pass these messages on to anyone else who likes
movies 
Herewith the usual updates….
**M O V I E S**
New this week:
1 August 2008
* Mission Istaanbul (Bollywood)
* Ugly Aur Pagli (Bollywood)
* The X-Files: I Want to Believe (13 V)
* Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (PG)
* You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (13 LVS)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
Added SA Top Ten and Cinema Nouveau Top 10:
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
Added US and UK Top Ten. The other industry news on this page is
updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm
Schedules (all Ster-Kinekor, NuMetro, IMAX, MovieZone, Cinema Starz,
Woodlands, and Labia cinemas, and SK, and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
New this week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
Forthcoming attractions for 8 and 15 August
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/
This Week’s pinup (for the guys)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html
Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
*Remember you can support the site by reading the ads…*
Cheers, Ian
—————————————————————————
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10
years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, ‘It’s certainly
not a ship.’ And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out
the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft.
Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.
Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a
drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned
Irishman and said to him, ‘Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had
a cigarette?’
‘Ten years,’ replied the amazed Irishman.. With that,
she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of
her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one,
lights it, and takes a long drag. ‘Faith and begorra,’said the man,
‘that is so good I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!’
‘And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Irish whiskey’
asked the blonde
Trembling, the castaway replied, ‘Ten years.’
Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket
there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and
took a long drink. ‘Tis nectar of the gods!’ stated the Irishman. ‘Tis
truly fantastic!!!’
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of
her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and
asked, ‘And how long has it been since you played around?’
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed;
‘Oh sweetness! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too!’
—————————————————————————
So this Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Victorian
farm and talks with an old farmer. He tells the farmer, I need to inspect
your farm for your water allocation.
The old farmer says, Okay, but don’t go in that paddock over there.
The Water representative says, Mister, I have the authority of the Federal
Government with me. See this card?
This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural
land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you
understand?
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old
farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and
close behind is the farmer’s bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The
Rep is clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately throws down his
tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..
Your card! Show him your card!
—————————————————————————
When she gets married, on arriving at the church the first thing the woman
will see is the aisle, next she will see the altar, and lastly she will
see him…and that’s exactly what the horrible cow is thinking…. ” Aisle
Altar
Him ”
I quit my job last week at the helium factory. I just didn’t like being
spoken to in that tone of voice.
My Dad used to collect empty beer bottles; which is a nicer way to say he
was an alcoholic.
—————————————————————————
While stitching up the hand of an 80-year-old farmer, who got cut while
fencing on his property, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old
man.
Eventually the topic got around to Jacob Zuma and his appointment as
President of the ANC.
“Well, ya know,” drawled the farmer, “this Zuma fella is what they call a
fencepost turtle.”
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost
turtle was.
The old manager said, “When you’re driving along a country road and you
come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s called a
fencepost turtle.”
The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to
explain,
“You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he definitely doesn’t belong
up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just
gotta wonder what kind of fool put him up there in the first place!”
—————————————————————————
JACK (age 3) was watching his mum breast-feeding his new baby sister. After
a while he asked: “Mum why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for
cold milk?”
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so
old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don’t remember you
must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his mum good night. “I love you so much
that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain
to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mum explained
it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with
wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t
give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing
in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why
is he whispering in her mouth?”
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his mum asked what
was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed
when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named
Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife
looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What
happened to the flea?”
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled
woman her mum knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, “Why
doesn’t your skin fit your face?”
–
P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa’s greatest movie site.
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