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Newsletter and jokes: 8 September 2017



Hi all

Another full lineup for what I suppose for some is the height of the exam 
season. Never fear, the end is near. ;-)

There's two big releases this week, the first being another of Steven 
Soderbergh (Ocean's Eleven etc) heist capers, and the other an adaptation
of a Stephen King mystery which marries western elements with modern times.

On more limited release (including art circuit) we take a look at a very
unconventional family, as well as some intrigue set during world war two.

Then we have 9/11 (about events during 9 September 2001) ... which has been
kept away from the press so I won't comment on that .... 

And lastly Bollywood provides a crime drama and comedy, for your viewing
pleasure.

On the previews side there are a handful of girls-night-out previews next 
Wednesday for the Reese Witherspoon comedy Home Again, and also a few
tomorrow (Saturday) for the eagerly-anticipated film version of Stephen
King's "It". See the previews page and remember to book.

And Really Lastly we've got David Gilmour: Live at Pompeii at select 
cinemas next Wednesday night. Enjoy.

Released 8 September 2017

* The Dark Tower (PG10-12 V)
* Logan Lucky (PG10-12 LV)
* The Exception (16 NS)
* The Glass Castle (13 LVD SV)
* 9/11 (16 LV)
* Poster Boys (Hindi)
* Daddy (Hindi)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 22 September
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

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I didn't enlist in the Army; my number was drawn out of the barrel. So I
wasn't going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor
asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?"

"What letters?" I answered slyly.

"Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."

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Alzheimer's Test for Modern Seniors

How fast can you guess these words

1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM

Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong.... didn't you? Don't worry. You don't have
Alzheimer's. You are just a pervert.

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A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our
small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting
newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was
quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind,
he had a special niche.
My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil,
and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger... he was our storyteller. He
would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and
comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always
knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed
able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league
ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped
talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each
other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for
peace and quiet.
(I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger
never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed
in our home - not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long time
visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and
made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal
use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis.
He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He
talked freely (much too freely!) about s*x. His comments were sometimes
blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing..

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced
strongly by the stranger.
Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom
rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our
family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was
at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would
still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to
him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?....

We just call him 'TV.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A fellow turned to a woman sitting beside him in a bar and said; "Drinking
makes you look beautiful, darling."

She looked a little surprised and answered, "but I haven't had a drink
yet."

He smiled and said, "no, but I have!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

If tough is pronounced tuff, then why isn't doughnut pronounced duffnut?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in
Greece. The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town.
When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered
how he could afford such a house.
The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there?
The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single
lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".

The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply
amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was
marvellous.
When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said; "You see that
bridge over there?"
The Spaniard replied; "No."

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