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Newsletter and jokes: 7 July 2017



Hi all

Well Spidey swings back onto our screens again, they're expecting it to do
reasonably well (as in, over $100 million for the weekend in the USA), and
will likely do well here too.

This week's other big release has had a very bad reception from the critics
although the masses seem to think it is at least 'average' so I guess fans
of the star will go and see it.

Rounding out the lineup is a biopic on Churchill on the art circuit, and of
course a new Afrikaans family film which deals with childhood illness.

And lastly Bollywood has two offerings for us, a comedy and another 
emotional family drama.

On the previews side, there are a handful of previews for the upcoming War
for the Planet of the Apes next Tuesday, see the previews page and remember
to book. I'm not sure if these are Open Public previews or restricted to
members of some club or other (as is usual when there are so few).

Had a bit of fun and games this morning when I went to buy the newspapers
for the local movie reviews... The Argus had managed to produce their 
morning edition without a price or barcode. Which really confused the 
cashiers...

Released 7 July 2017

* Spider-Man: Homecoming (PG10-12 LV)
* Spider-Man: Homecoming (3D) (PG10-12 LV)
* Spider-Man: Homecoming (3D)(IMAX) (PG10-12 LV)
* Spider-Man: Homecoming (4DX) (PG10-12 LV)
* The House (16 LVD)
* Churchill (PG7-9)
* Nul is Nie Niks Nie (PG7-9)
* Mom (Hindi)
* Guest iin London (Hindi)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm


SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 14 July
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A handful of 7-year-old children were asked, 'What they thought of beer.'
Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the
prettier my mom gets.'
 --Tim, 7 years old

'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television
when he is asleep, so beer is nice.'
 --Melanie, 7 years old

'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and
takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'
 --Grady, 7 years old

'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the
more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'
 --Toby, 7 year old

'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes,
so he shouldn't have too much.'
 --Sarah, 7 years old

'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances.
One time he danced right into the pool.'
 --Lilly, 7 years old

'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the
sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'
 --Ethan, 7 years old

'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'
 --Shirley, 7 years old

AND THE BEST RESPONSE:

'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father.
Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone
down the street,but that doesn't make any sense.'
 --Jack, 7 years old

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last Tuesday Australian Foreign Minister Rudd got out of a Commonwealth car
in front of Parliament House.

He was carrying a piglet under each arm.

The Federal Police guard snapped to attention, saluted and said: "Nice
pigs, sir."

Rudd replied:

"These are not just pigs. These are authentic Australian wild bush pigs.

I got one for the Treasurer Wayne Swan, and I got one for Prime Minister
Gillard."

The Federal Police officer again snapped to attention,
salutes and said,

"Excellent trade, sir."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in  Rome,  Italy

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David

Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by.  He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to
the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the
Star of David.

Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says,

"My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this
city is the seat of Catholicism.

People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David
in  front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is
holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just
out of spite."

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned
to the beggar with the Cross and said,

"Moishe, would you look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about
marketing!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne
Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'.
Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the
next day, maybe the day after that.
Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"

The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked
him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency,"
replied Brennan.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little rural town had one of the highest birth rates in the country and
this phenomenon attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state
university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; moved to town; set
up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their
questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the
project director decided to go to the local Cafe for a cup of coffee.

He sat down at a table, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it,
he told the owner what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had 
any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the cafe owner. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes
through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well,
it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space
shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the
frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of
the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a
gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the
engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed
into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through
the control console, snapped the engineer's chair back- rest in two, and
embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a
bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment,
along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for
suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo, "Defrost the chicken."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------



Spider-Man: HomecomingChurchillSpider-Man: Homecoming (3D)(IMAX)Nul is Nie Niks NieMomSpider-Man: Homecoming (3D)Spider-Man: Homecoming (4DX)Guest iin London
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