Hi all Well we've got two big releases for the middle of exam season, one aimed at the guys and the other at the gals ... will be interesting to see how they fare at the box office. Speaking of which, I see Suicide Squad is back on top, after 6 weeks. By comparison, in the UK it has dropped all the way down to 10, and in the US, down to 4, all after 6 weeks of release. Interesting how different movies perform in differernt markets... There are two local movies opening this week, one of which (Tess) is showing just for one week here in Cape Town so that it can qualify for entry into the Oscars... Elsewhere on circuit there is a good adult crime drama, and a horror piece that looks like it might head straight to disk Stateside. Finally there's a batch of Indian movies to round out the lineup. On the previews side, looks like another Girls Night Out next week with a handful of previews for Absolutely Fabulous, and another handful for upcoming Afrikaans rom-com Sy klink soos lente. See the previews page and remember to book :-) M O V I E S Released 9 September 2016 * Viral (16 LVH) * Ben-Hur (13 V) * Bridget Jones's Baby (13 L) * Ben-Hur (3D) (13 V) * The Infiltrator (16 LV) * Ben-Hur (4DX) (13 V) * Iru Mugaan * Pink * Raaz Reboot * Tess (16 LSVD SV) The other local film is The Actor, but it's not on the IMDB and their Official Website is still "coming soon" so I couldn't build a page for it. http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm SA Top Tens (commercial, Nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit) http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily. http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia) http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Forthcoming attractions for 23 September. http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the pic and quote on the home page http://www.moviesite.co.za/ This Week's pinup http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the guys) Pick of the Week http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm List of all movies showing http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Cheers, Ian -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Children are very logical creatures ... A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.' A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.' The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.' A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted,'Cause your feet ain't empty.' The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples....' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We are familiar with the strange questions that computer helpdesks get ... but golf courses are just as bad... Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What's the weather going to be like that day? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice? Staff: You mean a driving range? Caller: No, that's not it..,,, Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon. Staff: Between 12 o'clock and noon? Caller: Yes. Staff: We'll try to squeeze you in. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock? Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15. Caller: What's the next time after that? Staff: We have one at 10:22. Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: How much to play golf today? Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart. Caller: 38 dollars? Staff: No, 38 yen. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow? Staff: What time would you like? Caller: What times do you have? Staff: What time of the day? Caller: Any time. Staff: Morning or afternoon? Caller: Whenever. Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list? Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Do you have a dress code? Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes. Caller: How about clothes? Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there? Staff: Yes. Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls? Staff: Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow? Staff: Sure, what time would you like? Caller: Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. In the morning, if possible. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there? Staff: Yes, they're 25 dollars. Caller: How much to rent a bag? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there? Staff: Yes. Caller: How much for a large bucket? Staff: Four dollars. Caller: Does that include the balls? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Do you have a twilight rate? Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock. Caller: And what time does that start? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course. Staff: OK, what would you like to know? Caller: I don't know, that's why I called. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always keep several get well cards on the mantle ... so if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you've been sick and unable to clean. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you." Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy. After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?" Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------