Newsletter and jokes: 8 April 2016

Hi all

An interesting lineup this week, with most new releases scoring well. In 
fact the Pick of the Week was almost a dead heat (72 vs 71), and curiously,
comes from a genre which is not often the best new release in a week. 
However this one has found favour with both the critics and the crowds, 
despite the lack of A-list celebrity stars. So enjoy.

No previews this week. No long weekends either :-((.


M O V I E S

8 April 2016

* Robo-Dog (PG) 	
* Macbeth (13 V)
* Z for Zachariah (PG10-12) 	
* 10 Cloverfield Lane (13 V)
* Eddie the Eagle (PG7-9 D) 	

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

The US and UK Top Tens. Industry news updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 15 April.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (Full-HD wallpaper for the gals)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

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My goal for 2015 was to lose just 10 kilos. Only 15 to go.

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big,
round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese.
FINE, it was a pizza.I ate a pizza.

How to prepare Tofu:
1.Throw it in the trash.
2.Grill some Meat.

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20
minutes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live
longer than men who mention it.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to
walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they
closed school?
Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or
talented....I forgot where I was going with this.

I love being over 50.I learn something new every day.......and forget 5
others.

A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money
so I woke up and searched with him.

My dentist told me I need a crown.I was like
I KNOW !, Right?

I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it
a day.

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The recession...


Wives are sleeping with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies
while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them
and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Houghton fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they
re-possessed her!

A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my
savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide
Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was
suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

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I've just been offered a job to re design the electric chair - apparently
the one they use now is just a death trap....

I see Boomerangs are making a comeback.

I went into a bakers shop the other day, and asked the girl behind the
counter, "Is that a cream cake or a meringue?"
She said, "No, you were right the first time, It's a cream cake".

I  called our local Paranoia Society today.
The guy who answered the phone said, "How the heck did you get this
number?"

On my way home from work I stopped off at the petrol station to put some
air in my tyres as they were a bit flat.
So I put the air in and went inside to pay.
The cashier said to me "R20 please".
"R20!" I said, "It's air for crying out loud, it shouldn't be that
expensive!"
"Well", he replied, "That's inflation for you".