Newsletter and jokes: 20 November 2015

Hi all

Well the final installment of the Hunger Games 4-part trilogy has finally
arrived for your viewing pleasure.  :=)

Also on circuit is a new Afrikaans drama, as well as a doccie about the 
youngest person ever to win a Nobel prize. There's also some action, and 
something for the kiddies.

M O V I E S

19 November 2015
* The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (13 V)
* The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (3D) (13 V)
* The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (3D)(IMAX) (13 V)

20 November 2015
* Maggie (13 HV) 	
* No Escape (16 V)
* Wolf Totem (13 V) 	
* He Named Me Malala (PG V)
* 'n Man Soos My Pa (13 LV) 	
* Ghosthunters: On Icy Trails (PG7-9 L)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 27 November 2015
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Added US and UK Top Tens
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 27 November.

http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (nice wallpaper)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

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Degrees of Blondness

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning .
The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said
'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast
is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks
familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So, the first blonde hands her
the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

THIRD DEGREE

 A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she
finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun
and, as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts
it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?'
The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.'

FIFTH DEGREE

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
government class.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.'

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman!'

EIGHTH DEGREE

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up
with rolls of sod.

"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced  #1 Blonde.

"Do what?" asked #2 Blonde .

"Send my lawn out to be mowed."

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A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one
carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife
asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will
get it the first time.

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Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself
and the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you.
So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Part G.

The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You are
allowed to shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be sent to
rison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a
roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a
library, and all the Health Care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need
glasses? That's great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs,
s*x change, or heart? They are all covered!

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as
they do now! And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government
that just told you they can't afford for you to go into a nursing home. And
you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now,
because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes! Is
this a great country or what? Now that you have solved your senior
financial plan, enjoy the rest of your week!

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A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. As the barman's pouring it
the cowboy looks about him. 'Where is everybody?' he says. 'Gone to the
hanging,' says the barman. 'Hanging?' says the cowboy.

'Who they hanging?'

'Brownpaper Pete,' replies the barman.

'Brownpaper Pete? Why do they call him that?'

'Well,' says the barman. 'His hat's made of brown paper, his shirt's made
of brown paper, his jacket's made of brown paper and his trousers are made
of brown paper.' 'Really?' says the cowboy. 'What they hanging him for?'

'Rustling!'

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