Newsletter and jokes: 6 November 2015

Hi all

Exam season is now in full swing, which is always a problem as this is 
the time of year when Hollywood likes to roll out some big movies. They've
actually being having a rather bad time at the US box office the last few
weeks, and hoping that Bond, James Bond, along with Charlie Brown will fix
things this weekend.

On our circuit we've got the Spielberg/Hanks combo once again delivering
cinematic goodness. The rest of the lineup is more low-key aimed at select
groups.

Diwali is this week, with this year's Diwali movie opening on Thursday, 
along with the 3D IMAX version of a Chinese film, based on a record-breaking
Chinese novel.

On the previews side there are previews all over all day Saturday for 
Blinky Bill the Movie, which appears to be an Australian kiddie TV series 
getting its big-screen release. 
Next Thursday sees previews for Learning to Drive at selected venues. 
See the previews page and remember to book.

M O V I E S

6 November 2015

* War Room (PG) 	
* Bridge of Spies (PG10-12)
* Big Stone Gap (PG10-12) 	
* A Walk in the Woods (PG10-12 LS)
* Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (16 LNVH)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

12 November 2015
* Wolf Totem (3D)(IMAX) (13 V)
* Prem Ratan Dhan Payo (Hindi)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Added US and UK Top Tens
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 12 and 13 November.

http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the gals)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

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After my Prostate Exam, the Doctor left.

Then the nurse came in. As she shut the door, she whispered the three words
that no man wants to hear:

"Who Was That?"

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A drunken, totally naked, woman jumped into a taxi at Park Beach Plaza in
Coffs Harbour, Australia.

The Indian driver shook his head, opened his eyes wide and stared at the
woman. He made no attempt to start the Cab.

"What are you staring at, Luv, haven't you ever seen a woman with no
clothes on before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be
proper, where I am coming from..."

"Well, if you're not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?"

"Well, I am looking and looking and looking and looking, and I am thinking
and thinking and thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady
keeping the money to be paying me with?!"

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 The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest,
Said, 'You had a good idea to replace the first four
Pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like
A charm. The front of the church always fills first
Now.'

The young priest nodded, and the old priest
Continued, 'And you told me adding a little more
Beat to the music would bring young people back
To church, so I supported you when you brought in
That Rock 'n Roll Gospel Choir. Now our services
Are consistently packed to the balcony.'

'Thank you, Father,' answered the young priest. 'I
Am pleased that you are open to the New Ideas of
Youth.'

'All of these ideas have been well and good,' said
The elderly priest, 'But I'm afraid you've gone too
  Far with the Drive-thru Confessional.'

'But Father,' protested the young priest, 'my
Confessions and the donations have nearly doubled
  Since I began that!'

'Yes,' replied the elderly priest, 'and I appreciate
That.... But the flashing neon sign, "Toot 'n Tell or
Go to Hell" cannot stay on the church roof.'

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A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop-dead,
gorgeous flight attendant.

"What is your name?" he asked.
Flight Attendant:  "Angela Benz, sir"

Businessman:  Lovely name.  "Any relation to Mercedes Benz?"
Flight Attendant:  "Yes sir, very close"

Businessman:  How close?

Flight Attendant:  "Same Price"

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A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the
younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she
burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her
and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After
listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor
marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on
his board.

"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Reid is 62
years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you just
told her she was pregnant!"

The younger doctor continued writing, and without looking up said, "Does
she still have the hiccups?"

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What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

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