Newsletter and jokes: 30 October 2015

Hi all

Well it's the American nonsense of Halloween on Saturday, followed next 
Thursday by the British nonsense of Guy Fawkes. I think if people really 
understood what these things were about they would not be so keen to 
celebrate...

Anyway, on the cinema circuit this week we have the usual Halloween-style
scary movies, for all age groups. The quality is generally average to 
slightly-above, though this week's Pick of the Week didn't do so well at the
US box office last week, and is expected to take a dive this week.

There are no previews this week.

M O V I E S

30 October 2015
* Legend (16 LV) 	
* Crimson Peak (16 HSV)
* Crimson Peak (IMAX) (16 HSV)
* Goosebumps (10 H) 	
* Goosebumps (3D) (10 H) 	
* Die Sneeukoningin
* Knock Knock (16 LNSV SV) 	
* Die Sneeukoningin
* Die Sneeukoningin (3D)
* The Legend of Sarila (A)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Added US and UK Top Tens
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 6 November.

http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (wallpaper for the gals)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but
I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared
at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she
said, 'How soon do you need to know?

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THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good
fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the
difference.

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These are actual writings from various hospital charts.

1.The patient refused an autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.

5 Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15 Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present

24. The pelvis exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote,
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only
nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."

"But," the dog replied, "then it would make no sense at all."

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A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for
people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These
were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America:

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using
individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might
encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used
only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important
interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule ."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working
on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know
when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told
my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on
the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial
to
Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to
discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

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Eric: "Who was that Lady I seen you with last night?"
Ernie: "You mean, 'I saw'."
Eric: "Sorry, who was that eye saw I seen you with last night."