Newsletter and jokes: 4 September 2015

Hi all

It's pretty much a his-and-hers week at the movies, with the new releases
tending towards action or female interest, and nothing new for the kiddies.
But we're in exam season again so I suppose they should be studying anyway.

There's previews all over Saturday evening for Vacation. See the previews
page and remember to book.

The Transporter Refueled is having a staggered release, opening today at 
the 'elite' and IMAX venues, with wide release next week. Also up is a new
SA movie, what I suspect may be the first mainstream Black rom-com. That's a
wide open genre waiting to be tapped... :-)

M O V I E S

4 September 2015

* Mistress America (16 L) 	
* Southpaw (16 LV)
* Ricki and the Flash (PG10-12 L) 	
* Hitman: Agent 47 (16 V)
* Tell Me Sweet Something (PG10-12 LSD) 	
* The Transporter Refueled (13 SV)
* The Transporter Refueled (IMAX) (13 SV)
* Welcome Back 	(Hindi)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Added US and UK Top Tens
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 11 September

http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the gals)(suitable for wallpaper)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

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Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from
Glasgow, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the 
following painful announcement..:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been
a terrible mix-up one minute prior to take-off by our airport catering 
service.... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on
board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals...

I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued.. ,

"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can
eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour 
flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later...

"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners 
available."

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The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and
we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating".

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
"fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock
City and I was fascinated". The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally,
but I wanted you to use the word fascinate".

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
"fascinate" so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons,
but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight!"
The teacher sat down and cried.

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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong 
preaching on the devil.

One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'

The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad..'

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl Whispered to her 
mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''

The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is 
the happiest day of her life.'

The child thought about this for a moment then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?'

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with  her five 
and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'Honour thy Father and thy mother,' she 
asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and
sisters?'

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill..'

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A blonde gets home from work early and hears strange noises coming from the 
bedroom.

She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, 
sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, 
her four-year-old son comes up and says,
"Mummy, Mummy, Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe closet, and she has 
no clothes on".

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom 
right past her husband. She rips open the wardrobe closet door and sure 
enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.

'You rotten bitch', she screams.  'My husband's having a heart attack, and 
you're running around naked, playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

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