You might also like:The TV SiteThe Post Code SiteThe Blob GameKeyboard Design
The Moviesite logo

Newsletter and jokes: 10 July 2015



Hi all

A rather small line-up this week, with the big release for the kiddies. It
will be interesting to see how it fares against Inside Out, which made it 
to the top of the US boxoffice last weekend, after being on circuit for 
three weeks. Meanwhile, Jurassic World has moved up to number 5 on the 
global All-time charts. 

There's no previews this week, but instead you can catch some live MMA 
action this afternoon at select cinemas.


M O V I E S

10 July 2015

* Minions (PG) 	
* Minions (3D) (PG) 	
* Lost River (16 VLH)
* Life of Crime (16 LSV)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Added US and UK Top Tens
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 26 June

http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for the guys)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked
about his bill and the barber replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you I'm doing community service this week.' The
cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he
tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very
happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve
Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'

Then, an MP comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the
barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you I'm doing community service this week.' The
MP is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen MPs
lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the members of our Parliament.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals. King Kong,
an Ape, an Orang-utan and a Monkey . They decide to compete to see who is
the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.

Think carefully ... Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer?

If your answer is:
Orang-utan = you're dull & normal
Ape = you're a moron
Monkey = worse, you're an idiot
King Kong = you're hopelessly stupid
Why?

A Coconut tree doesn't have bananas! Obviously you're stressed and
overworked.

Take some time off and relax!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

They walk among us ...

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave
her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46 .64. I gave the money back
to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favour. She became
indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing,
and returned the money again. I gave her the money back. Same scenario! I
departed the store with the $46.64.

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande
Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard
that said 'buy one- get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free,'
she said, 'so I guess they're both free' She handed me my free Lattes and I
walked out the door.

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my
brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she
shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think
I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her
rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would
have it, an Exxon gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to
the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her
that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait
until it was returned.

Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, so she decided not
to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car
that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the
patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the
station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her
car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from
across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it
starts, I'm turning Catholic."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to describe shots such as
'shank', 'chili-dip', 'skull', 'duck-hook', 'worm-burner', etc. Here are
some new ones to add to your vocabulary.

A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole.
A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's an impossible read.
A 'Rock Hudson' - it looked straight, but wasn't.
A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.
A 'Yasser Arafat'  - butt ugly and in the sand.
A 'John Kennedy Jr'., - didn't make it over the water.
A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.
An 'O. J. Simpson' - got away with it.
A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.
A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used a driver.
A 'condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good.
A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a bit too far to the right.
A 'Nancy Pelosi' - way too far to the left.
A 'Barbra Streisand' - ugly but still working.
A 'Teddy Kennedy' - goes in the water, but jumps out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marriage advice from kids:

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the 
chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.. -- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.--
Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynn,
age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.-- Martin, age 10

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that.- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin,
age 8


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
--, Rick age 10



MinionsLife of CrimeLost River
Newsletter
Minions (3D)
Like to receive e-mail notification when we update the site?
Your email address:

If you like this site, please tell your friends.
If you don't, please tell us.

Copyright © 1996 — 2017 Zero 2 Infinity



Ageless Body System
Venus
Movie Site
New
Showing
Previews
Pick
Top 10
4thcoming
Alphabetical
By date
By age
Showtimes
Alphabetical
By date
Pinup / Wallpaper
Industry
Star stuff
Fanmail
100 Best
Oscars
Razzies
GoldenGlobes
BAFTA
Ratings guide
Plots
Privacy policy
Contact us
SABC 1
SABC 2
SABC 3
eTV
M-Net
Follow moviesitecoza on Twitter
Follow moviesitecoza on Facebook
Subscribe to me on YouTube Google+