Newsletter and jokes 17 April 2015


 
Hi all 
 
Fast & Furious 7 continues to rewrite the record books, both here and  
overseas. Locally it's up to 44 Million, which puts it at 2nd place overall 
behind Avatar, and that after only 2 weeks. 
 
This week sees three movies with the focus on getting around, as well as 
three Indian releases. 
 
On the previews side, there are previews all over on Thursday night for the  
new Avengers movie, which opens here next Friday, one week ahead of the USA. 
There are also previews next Thursday at selected venues for the teen  
comedy The DUFF. See the Previews page and remember to book. 
 
 
M O V I E S 
 
17 April 2015 
 
* Project Almanac (PG10-12 L) 	 
* Run All Night (16 VD) 
* The Longest Ride 
* Saint Laurent (16 NSD) 
* OK Kanmani (Tamil) 
* Mr. X (3D) (Hindi) 
* Nanak Shah Fakir (Hindi) 
 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm  
 
SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit) 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm  
 
Added US and UK Top Tens 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm  
 
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia) 
 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Forthcoming attractions for 24 April 
 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the pic and quote on the home page 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (desktop for the gals)  
 
Pick of the Week 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm  
 
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm  
 
List of all movies showing 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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An Emergency Call Center worker has been fired in 
Toronto, Ontario, much to the dismay of her colleagues, 
who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal. 
It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, 
"I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I 
can finally meet Allah." 
To which the call center employee replied, 
"Remain calm and stay on the line." 
 
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An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very 
bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that 
said:Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get 
back $1,000." 
 
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know 
beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get 
$1,000. 
 
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. 
 
This is what transpired. 
 
Dr. Young: ---"Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can 
you please help me ??" 
 
Dr. Geezer:  ---"Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 
drops in Dr. Young's mouth." 
 
Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!" 
 
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will 
be $500." 
 
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days 
figuring to recover his money. 
 
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." 
 
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 
drops in the patient's mouth." 
 
Doctor Young:  "Oh no you don't,  --  that is Gasoline!" 
 
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That 
will be $500." 
 
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back 
after several more days. 
 
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak  ---  I can hardly see !!!! 
 
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so --  " 
Here's your $1000 back." 
 
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." 
 
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will 
be $500." 
 
Moral of story--Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you 
can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!! 
 
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The home phone rings and 'the wife' answers. 
 
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says: 
I bet you have a tight ass, with no hair. 
 
The woman replies: Why yes, I have. 
 
He's watching TV... Whom shall I say is calling? 
 
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The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had 
just gotten married -- for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her 
questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 
80, and then about her new husband's occupation. 
 
"He's a funeral director," she answered. 
 
"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind 
telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for 
a living. 
 
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. 
 
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, 
explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 
20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when 
in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director. 
 
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had 
married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, "I 
married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four 
to go !!!! 
 
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Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 
years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. 
 
"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so 
bad that once I'd hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." 
 
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, 
"Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try." 
 
"That's no good" sighs Arthur. "Your brother's a hundred and three. He 
can't help." 
 
"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is damn 
near perfect." 
 
So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his 
brother-in-law. 
 
He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. 
 
He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball, Herman?" 
 
"Of course I did!" says Herman 
 
"Where did it go?" says Arthur. 
 
"I can't remember." 
 
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Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been 
playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the 
house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in 
the same room & one is on top of the other ? 
 
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just to tell him the truth 
'It's called s*xual intercourse, darling.' 
 
Little Tony just said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the 
other kids. 
 
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't 
called s*xual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. 
 
And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you.' 
 
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