Newsletter and jokes: 17 April 2015

Hi all

Fast & Furious 7 continues to rewrite the record books, both here and 
overseas. Locally it's up to 44 Million, which puts it at 2nd place overall
behind Avatar, and that after only 2 weeks.

This week sees three movies with the focus on getting around, as well as
three Indian releases.

On the previews side, there are previews all over on Thursday night for the 
new Avengers movie, which opens here next Friday, one week ahead of the USA.
There are also previews next Thursday at selected venues for the teen 
comedy The DUFF. See the Previews page and remember to book.


M O V I E S

17 April 2015

* Project Almanac (PG10-12 L) 	
* Run All Night (16 VD)
* The Longest Ride
* Saint Laurent (16 NSD)
* OK Kanmani (Tamil)
* Mr. X (3D) (Hindi)
* Nanak Shah Fakir (Hindi)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm

SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Added US and UK Top Tens
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm

Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia)

http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm

Forthcoming attractions for 24 April

http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm

Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/

This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (desktop for the gals)

Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm

List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm

Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm

Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian

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An Emergency Call Center worker has been fired in
Toronto, Ontario, much to the dismay of her colleagues,
who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating,
"I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I
can finally meet Allah."
To which the call center employee replied,
"Remain calm and stay on the line."

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An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very
bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that
said:Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get
back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know
beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get
$1,000.

So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

This is what transpired.

Dr. Young: ---"Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can
you please help me ??"

Dr. Geezer:  ---"Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3
drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will
be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days
figuring to recover his money.

Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3
drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor Young:  "Oh no you don't,  --  that is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That
will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back
after several more days.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak  ---  I can hardly see !!!!

Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so --  "
Here's your $1000 back."

Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will
be $500."

Moral of story--Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you
can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!

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The home phone rings and 'the wife' answers.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says:
I bet you have a tight ass, with no hair.

The woman replies: Why yes, I have.

He's watching TV... Whom shall I say is calling?

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The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had
just gotten married -- for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her
questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at
80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind
telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for
a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly,
explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early
20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when
in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had
married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, "I
married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four
to go !!!!

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Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25
years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so
bad that once I'd hit the ball I couldn't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says,
"Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Arthur. "Your brother's a hundred and three. He
can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is damn
near perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his
brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball, Herman?"

"Of course I did!" says Herman

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I can't remember."

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Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been
playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the
house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in
the same room & one is on top of the other ?

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just to tell him the truth
'It's called s*xual intercourse, darling.'

Little Tony just said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the
other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't
called s*xual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds.

And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you.'

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