Hi all Another full lineup this week, including the new release from ex-SA director Neill Blomkamp, which also features two of the members of Die Antwoord. It is mostly rather adult fare this week, but there is a limited release for the kiddies too. On the previews side, there are previews all over next Wednesday for new SA film Ballade vir 'n Enkeling, and previews all over next Thursday for the second episode of the Divergent Series, Insurgent. Check the previews page and remember to book. M O V I E S 13 March 2015 * Nh10 (Bollywood) * Chappie (16 LVD) * Chappie (IMAX) (16 LVD) * Focus (16 SLV) * The Gambler (16 LV) * The Cobbler (13 LV) * Strange Magic (PG V) * The Disappearance of Eleonor Rigby: Them (13 L) http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm SA Top Tens (commercial, best and worst movies on circuit) http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Added US and UK Top Tens http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, Nu Metro, MovieZone, CineCentre, Movies@, Labia) http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm Forthcoming attractions for 20 March http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm Updated the pic and quote on the home page http://www.moviesite.co.za/ This Week's pinup http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (desktop for the gals) Pick of the Week http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm List of all movies showing http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm Same list sorted by Age Restriction http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) Cheers, Ian ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two policemen (Constable Ken and Bob) call the station on the radio. "Hello. Is that the Sarge?" "Yes?" "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean." "Have you arrested the woman?" "No sir! The floor is still wet." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. "What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no," she replied. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?" The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns ... Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Usk Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber. I hope this helps. Walter ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two little kids are in Katoomba hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room - the first surgeries of the day. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jelly and Ice Cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision" "Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck mate. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around the hardware store when they collide. The old guy says to the Young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.". The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her, and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does Your wife look like?" The old guy says, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------